Fine Dining with the Praying Mantis
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Nathan Richards explains a novel way to beat the language barrier and discover new Thai food dishes - sometimes with unexpected results...
This guest post is written by Nathan Richards from Ubertramp.com
When we think of Thai food, we may possibly think of Green and Red Thai curries and other spicy delights such as Papaya Salads or Pad Thai, but this is just the tip of the gastronomic iceberg. There are countless dishes and, with each one being so completely different from its nearest rival, it makes choosing from the most simple of menus a gargantuan task.
So here I am, first time in Thailand, positively overwhelmed by the selection of fare on offer. But not only is there such choice, none of the menus make any sense whatsoever. I need a plan of attack, I need lunch.
I managed to clear this hurdle by devising an all new procedure to pick the contents of my nosebag. Like me, the selection process was simplicity itself. I affectionately named it The Praying Mantis.
After closing my eyes I would clutch the bottom of the menu, extend my arm to full reach, and raise it to approximately chest height. Then, with my free hand - currently a clenched fist held tightly to my chest - I would gently unfurl my index finger, orientating it as I did so in the rough direction of the elevated menu.
Two more slow, deep breaths and I am ready. I must impart to you, the reader, that only through extensive prior holistic conditioning (i.e. a couple of deep breaths) will you secure a satisfying lunch via The Mantis technique. I sit calmly, composing myself in anticipation of the most important part of the process. All the while, in my head, I hear a faint echo of the theme tune to David Carradine's 'Kung-Fu' - the greatest TV show that ever was, incidentally.
Only when fully 'in the zone' (or when tutted at by the pretty girl waiting to take my order) do I execute the killer move. With the speed of a striking cobra, I propel the digit of destiny toward the menu. This lightning, forward motion must be sustained until I hear the sharp 'thwack' that denotes solid contact between finger and laminated sheet. I open my eyes. The deed is done, there's no going back.
All that's left now is to angle the menu toward the waitress to display where the fickle finger of fate has come to rest. Give a tentative smile and simply pray that The Mantis hasn't just ordered you a plate of Pickled Chihuahua Noses.
It's difficult to fathom exactly what the catering staff must think of all this business, but I do genuinely hope they understand the Farang's dilemma. Some smile as they quickly remove the menu from your eager grasp, others simply want to remove themselves from your vicinity quicker than you can say "clueless buffoon". Behaving like a lovechild bore between Bruce Lee and George Formby does have its merits, though. For starters, and for the main course come to that, it enables us to laugh in the face of foreign menus. Language barrier? Pah, not a problem for this young Jedi.
Had I not done The Mantis with such regularity I would have, without question, missed out on so many delectable treats. Having said that, it would be wrong of me to sing its praises unconditionally. Sometimes good times do go bad.
I recall being presented with a Spicy Squid Salad. Finding out that I had ordered squid wasn't the problem - I love squid - but being unaware that I had ordered spicy was. You can see squid, but you can't always see spicy - and therein lays the problem. After the first, hefty spoonful, the scene at my table turned from one of a pleasant luncheon into something from a Sci-fi Horror movie. It was all mucus, tears, and tentacles. I'm not joking; this stuff was napalm in a bowl.
But don't let this deter you. My advice to anyone travelling to Thailand is to still do The Mantis at least once. You won't regret it. Unless, of course, you pick the Spicy Squid Salad.
Visit Nathan's blog Ubertramp.com for more spicey surprises...
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Make A Comment: ( 1 so far )
One Response to “Fine Dining with the Praying Mantis”
Stacy
April 20th, 2007
Thank you for the creative tip, Nathan! I’ll be sure to try it next time I’m in a country where I don’t speak the language. One request… could you provide us with a video of this technique?